


There’s nowhere else I’d rather be

by Khim_Azaghal



Series: Bristol [3]
Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Developing Relationship, Domestic Fluff, Fili's ex is a narcissistic pervert, First argument, Irish cuisine, Irish slang, Kili spends his first night alone in his new flat, M/M, New Friends, Past Relationship(s), Reconciliation, Scottish Slang, Scottish characters - Freeform, Sexy Times, TG: homophobia, TG: homophobic slurs, TG: mention of past sexual abuse, TG: smoking, They're both Irish, a little pinch of angst, a promise is made, a trip to Ikea, fili and kili are not related, house warming gift, love conquers all!, moody Kíli, night out, patient Fíli, texting at 3am
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-11
Updated: 2016-07-24
Packaged: 2018-06-01 17:43:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6529795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Khim_Azaghal/pseuds/Khim_Azaghal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The lads' relationship is slowly evolving. However, they're not ready to leave their little pink fluffy cloud.<br/>Kíli is about to move in Bristol and he must furnish his future home. He's sensing a trip to Ikea and Fíli knows how he feels about this ;)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Moving to Bristol

 

**Bristol, September of 2008**

 

The rain was rattling mercilessly against Fíli’s house windows. Oh, hello September, come on in, make yourself comfortable. Coincidence or not, the stereo was playing “[Summer’s almost gone](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Fe0UcS2uFw)” by The Doors.  
  
  
Fíli was by his computer, absentmindedly humming the song while comparing van rental rates. Kíli was about to move into Richmond Street’s flat and a pallet full of his belongings had arrived from Ireland a week ago. It wasn’t much but it needed to be moved. As always, Fíli had volunteered to help and he was genuinely glad to do it.  
  
  
That July evening seemed so far away. Kíli had left his hotel room three days ago (they had made sure to pay a last homage to its gigantic tub) and was living with Fíli until he could move in his own flat. They were discovering the fine art of living together without the pressure of a long-term situation, and it was all right with them. However, they were still avoiding sensible intimate subjects, both preferring to postpone potentially unpleasant talks. For now, they just wanted to live in their fragile yet happy, sexy bubble.  
  
  
Fíli was considering using his own car instead of a van to move Kíli’s things when a complaint came to his ears.  
  


“Can we listen to something more cheerful, please?” asked Kíli from the kitchen.   
“Sorry, it’s on random… All right then, what music do you want?”  
“I don’t know! Something that’s not depressing. Anything.”  
“Then bring your lovely ass over here and make your own choice, mate.”   
“I can’t leave the kitchen, or the [bacstaí](http://www.whats4eats.com/breads/boxty-recipe) will burn… Ah, shit, now it’s not a surprise anymore.”  
“Bacstaí? Oh, Kíli, you’re spoiling me!” Fíli paused before asking almost shyly “So… Now it’s no longer a secret, am I allowed to set foot in my kitchen again?”  
“I guess so.”  
  


Kíli sounded so disappointed that Fíli hurried to get up and join his cook. He had been banished from his own kitchen for half an hour and was wondering what else Kíli had been secretly preparing for breakfast.  
  


The sight of Kíli wearing his stupid “Kiss me I’m Irish” apron (thanks mum for the lame birthday present) and cooking made the other Irishman sigh with contentment.  
  
  
“Hmm, that smells delicious,” said Fíli while resting his chin on Kíli’s shoulder and embracing his slender waist from behind. The latter was pouting because of the wasted surprise, but he regained his happy mood quickly.   
“It’ll be ready in a minute.”  
“Ok. I’ll set the table, then.”

  
Fíli pressed a kiss on Kíli’s raspy cheek and gently slapped his rump before taking a couple of plates from the cupboard. They would need all their forces for what was about to happen.  
  


***~~~~***   
  


“Are we obliged to do that?” whined Kíli for the umpteenth time as they were driving on the M32.   
“Kíli, we already talked about it. You can’t decently live in an empty flat, can you?”  
“I feckin’ hate Ikea” mumbled the other man, a mulish expression plastered on his face making him look like he was five years old again.   
“Believe me; I hate it too. But you must buy a bed at least. And a table. And chairs. And…”  
“Please, end me now!” moaned Kíli as he dramatically sank in his seat, wishing he could live without inflicting this to himself. But Fíli was so eager to make him feel like at home in Bristol that he tried not to sulk during the entire thirty-minute trip separating them from the infamous Swedish furniture store.  
  


“I’m sure I can manage with two pallets and a mattress. Can we go back now?”  
“Kíli, please, don’t make it more difficult…” sighed Fíli, on the verge of exasperation.   
“Ok, but I’m warning you! We pick the cheapest things, then we leave.” Kíli was brooding so much it was comical.   
“Sounds like a plan. Courage Kíli, you can do it” replied Fíli in a fake compassionate tone.   
“Hey! Stop acting the maggot, will ye?”  
“Moi? I’d never dare to do that!” Fíli was now biting the inner sides of his cheeks to avoid laughing.   
“Let’s enter Satan’s lair, then…” said Kíli in a sinister defeated tone.  
  


“Holy-Mary-mother-of-God…” breathed Fíli as they approached the threshold of said Satan’s lair.  
  
  
The store was packed with people wandering through the endless staged alleys at zombie speed… and there were children. Unattended and unleashed children. Running. Everywhere.  
  
  
“We should be holding hands for this.”  
“Agreed.”  
The two brave Irishmen tightly intertwined their fingers and courageously faced the crowd to fulfil their quest for furniture.  
  
_If there’s a God, please make it quick and painless_.  
  


Less than two hours later, the two men were outside of the store, happy to breathe the foul air of the parking lot again and trying to figure out how they could put inside the car everything Kíli had bought. After ten minutes of swearing and playing real-lifeTetris, Fíli managed to store a rolled mattress, some bedding, and the cartons of a bedspring, a bedframe, a small nightstand, a kitchen table and two folding chairs in his car.  
  
  
“Mate, you’re my hero!” said Kíli while slow clapping in admiration.   
“So where’s my reward, then?” asked Fíli with a cocky smile.   
“Oh, you’ll get a reward, don’t worry… when everything will be assembled. But you can have this as a foretaste.” On these words, Kíli pushed Fíli against the car and gave him the hottest kiss possible, given that they were in a public area under the shocked glance of an elderly couple and their grandchildren.  
  


The journey back to Totterdown was quiet and more cheerful than the previous ride. Arrived in front of Kíli’s house in Richmond Street, Fíli parked and silence fell inside the car. Kíli cast the other Irishman a look full of excitement and took his fresh new keys out of his pocket.  
  


“My first flat abroad; can you believe that?” Kíli’s smile was so broad his jaw was almost hurting.   
“Calm down, you big puppy” replied Fíli with an equal grin “Let’s get all of this junk inside.”  
“I want a kiss first.”  
Fíli sighed. “How can I say no to this?”  
“You just can’t. Come on, don’t fight it. Resistance is futile…”  
Fíli leant in and gently claimed Kíli’s mouth. The kiss was soft and chaste, although Kíli visibly wanted more.   
“Tsk, tsk. Remember, we have a mission to accomplish, young fella.”  
  
Kíli complied, not without groaning in frustration first.  
  


They agreed on dividing the tasks in two: Fíli being the most patient of the two, he would take care of the bed upstairs, and Kíli would assemble the table in the kitchen. It just seemed like a good idea at the time. Except that Kíli’s patience proved its limits sooner than expected.  
  


“Balls!!!!!”  
“Everything’s all right downstairs?”  
“This bastard table is doin’ me fecking nut in!”  
“Do you want me to come down and help you?”  
“No! I can handle it on my own!”  
“Ok…”  
  
The clatter and the stream of profanities that followed made Fíli wince, convincing him to leave the other Irishman to manage his anger alone.  
  


Ten minutes later, Kíli’s head appeared in the bedroom’s door frame. The lad looked miserable. He slouched onto the floor beside Fíli and remained silent for a moment while the latter was working on his bedspring.  
After one minute or two, a shy whisper escaped Kíli’s mouth.   
“I apologise for shouting at you.”  
“Apologies accepted” replied Fíli, still focused on his own task. “Now, if you want to make yourself useful, I have a job for you. Can you pass me those wooden pegs when I ask you?”  
“Aye, I can do that.”  
“Perfect. You’re hired, then” concluded Fíli with a smile.  
  


Twenty minutes later, a brand new bed was assembled in the small bedroom.  
The two men were standing beside it, looking utterly proud of themselves. Thanks to their teamwork, they had defeated the Ikea demon.  
  
   
“Welcome home, Kíli” declared Fíli as he was wrapping an arm around his lover’s shoulders.   
“Wanna christen it?” tentatively asked Kíli while nodding in the bed’s direction.   
“Sure…”  
  


Strong arms encircled Kíli’s waist and drew him into a languorous kiss. Roaming hands caressed their way up from Fíli’s rump to the collar of his shirt and started to unbutton the garment slowly, one little piece of nacre at a time.  
The two men had discovered recently they liked to undress each other slowly sometimes, and this was one of those times. Not rushing things felt good, and it was a new pleasure they were still exploring.  
  
  
Without breaking the kiss, Fíli slid his hands under Kíli’s t-shirt to fondle every inch of discovered skin.  
  
  
Once his t-shirt removed and carelessly dropped to the floor, Kíli gently pushed his lover onto the bed and undertook to free him from the rest of his garments. His touch was delicate, almost as light as a feather, so tender it was nearly unbearable. Being slowly stripped naked was now definitely filed under “favourites” in Fíli’s mind, and he revelled in the sensation of Kíli’s hot breath on his body.  
  
  
The chemical smell of the brand new bedding was awful but it would fade soon. Maybe they should have washed it before settling it? This fugitive thought came across Fíli’s mind and went away as quick as it had come as questing fingertips began teasing his nipples, soon replaced by hungry lips and teeth and tongue. The light scraping of fingernails through the crisp hair covering his thighs made his whole body shiver and he moaned into Kíli’s mouth, knowing this would drive his lover mad with lust.  
  


Two pairs of hands were sliding against naked skin, kneading and stroking sensitive flesh, setting minds and bodies ablaze while mouths were connected to each other. Kíli reached between Fíli’s thighs to delicately cup his testicles and started massaging them. The feeling of holding something so fragile in his hand was overpowering, and Kíli found himself wanting more. His hand moved to Fíli’s knee and slightly pushed to spread his thighs wider. Images of pure sin invaded Kíli’s mind, making him gasp. He needed a pause to cool off a bit. Besides, he was still stripped to the waist and needed to get rid of his now too tight jeans.  
  
   
“Allow me” whispered Fíli, already reaching out as the two men knelt on the bed, facing each other. The belt got sensuously unbuckled and buttons popped one by one under Fíli’s touch, slowly freeing Kíli’s hard member from a first layer of cloth. Impatient to touch it, Fíli bent down and nuzzled his lover’s crotch before tugging at the pants to push them down.  
  
   
“Damn your skinny jeans, Kíli” groaned the Irishman in frustration, eliciting a chuckle from his partner.   
“You’re way too impatient. Here, let me do this.”  
  
   
Once completely naked, Kíli pushed his lover back onto the mattress and resumed their activities.  
  


***~~~~***

 

“We need a shower…” groaned Fíli. The dried semen on his belly was starting to itch as he was trying to peel it from his skin with his fingernails.   
“Yeah, I agree…”   
Kíli yawned and stretched his long limbs like a lazy cat before quickly coming back to snuggle Fíli and take advantage of his body heat. A few kisses later, Fíli, always being his practical self, reminded his lover of their situation.   
“All we have here is a bed and a half-assembled kitchen table…”  
“Life’s hard, eh?”  
“Oh, yes, unbearable. We’ve just christened your brand new bed. Things can’t be worse than that.”  
  
Kíli’s heartfelt laughter reverbed on the walls of his poorly furnished bedroom.  
  
“Gosh, I hope those walls are somehow soundproofed…”   
The two men looked at each other before snorting and giggling, thinking about the loud show they unintentionally just put on for Kíli’s brand new neighbours.   
At length, Fíli wiped his teary eyes with his knuckles and took a deep breath to calm down.  
  
“Ok, let’s get dressed and we’ll take a shower at my place. Do you have plans for tonight?”  
“No. Do you have something in mind?”  
“Well, I’m too lazy to cook dinner, and I’d like to go out. You know, have a pint or two along with some unhealthy pub food. What do you think?”  
“I think it’s a deal!”  
“Fine, because I know a nice place in the neighbourhood. We can even go home on foot if I’m too drunk to drive.”  
“Oh, mate, you sell me dream!”  
“Shut up and kiss me, you eejit.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The lads go to a local pub and Fíli introduces Kíli to his Scottish friends Khím and Lizzie. The evening is supposed to be fun and friendly until unpleasant events happen.
> 
> (There are some words of Scottish slang in this chapter - see the translation in the end notes if needed)

 

  
“So, where’s that pub you told me about?” asked Kíli as he was stepping out of the shower.

  
Fíli was sitting on his bed. He was getting dressed and his arm got tangled in his jumper as it stopped in mid-air at the sight of the naked man entering his bedroom. Kíli was anything but bashful and walking around totally au naturel in Fíli’s presence wasn’t a problem at all.

 

“I… err… excuse me, what was your question?” stammered Fíli, eliciting a chuckle from his partner.  
“See something interesting?”  
 “What?”  
“Forget it. Tell me about that pub you mentioned before?”  
“Oh, ok. It’s the New Found Out, and it’s just around the corner. You’ll see, it’s not a fancy place; just a local pub but I like it. The place was closed for some time, but it reopened a few months ago. Now, it’s run by Khím and Lizzie, two good friends of mine; I’m sure you’ll like them. I met them when I moved into the house last year, and they’re great girls.”

 

Fíli was about to add something but he got distracted by strong hands seizing his shoulders and soft lips pressed against his. He breathed in the musky scent of Kíli’s shower gel and felt his head spinning deliciously. It was so delightful. Fili wished it could never end.

 

Before totally melting in his lover’s arms, he had the courage to back off a little, just enough to mean they had other plans than making out on his bed (once more).

“Come on, let’s get dressed. Kíli, _please_.”

“Aw, you’re no fun” comically pouted the other Irishman before pecking Fíli’s mouth.

“Nobody told you I was a grumpy old fart?” replied Fíli with a cocky smile.  
 

This assertion was a joke, but it contained a part of truth. Of course, Fíli felt good with Kíli, but he always thought he had never been part of the fun crowd. How could a dull person like him be appreciated by such a sunny and handsome man like Kíli? The Irishman was still wondering how it could be possible.

“Maybe, but you are _my_ old fart.”  
“Ok, I give up. You just earned another kiss. Come here.”

 

Kíli had spotted Fíli’s tendency to depreciate himself and he was worried about that. Every time Fíli started talking bad about himself, he tried to cut him short with humour. It worked most of the times.

  
Another thing was disconcerting Kíli, and he didn’t know how to put it up. It was about the sex, and it was very confusing. Of course, they were having a wonderful time together. However, every time Kíli had tried to venture farther than handjobs and blowjobs, Fíli had always found a very efficient way to distract him from his primary goal. What terrible secret was hiding behind this avoidance? Was Fíli a virgin? Had he been abused in some way? Kíli just had no idea.

  
So many questions were spinning inside the young Irishman’s head. He had never been the romantic type, and he was the one who had always ended his brief relationships, mainly because he was getting bored. Somehow, he wasn’t feeling that way with Fíli, and it was utterly confusing. Was it love? He just didn’t know. All he knew was that he had sensed something had to happen between him and this man from the first time he had seen him. The more they knew each other, the more he enjoyed being with him.

 

There were other issues Kíli would have liked to tackle, but he hated arguments. Anyway, this wasn’t the appropriate moment to start such a conversation. They had a pub evening planned and he was looking forward to enjoying it.

 

***~~~~***

 

The pub was like Fíli had described it: simply furnished, scarcely crowded for a Saturday night, little and modest. But, there was good music and an important thing the other Irishman hadn’t mentioned: a pool table and a game of darts. Kíli thought that whatever could happen now, he would enjoy this evening even more.

 

Two women were busy behind the bar. The way they were so different from each other was almost comical. One of them was a sturdy petite one with short red hair, and the other was taller with dark and long wavy hair. Both sported numerous tattoos and piercings. As soon as the shortest woman saw Fíli, she walked to him and hugged him with incredible force. Then she spoke. Oh, my.

 

“Fíli, love! It’s been a while! Foos yer doos? Oh wow, you look fit! And who’s that charming bloke you’re bringing into my humble establishment?”  
“I’m fine, Khím, I’m fine. Now stop it, you’re suffocating me!” replied Fíli fondly with a laugh. Kíli smiled and quietly waited to be introduced to this boisterous small Scottish woman.  
“Kíli, this is Khím, she owns this place. And Khím, this is my… um… _boyfriend,_ Kíli.” This was the first time Fíli had to introduce Kíli to another person, and the word “boyfriend” had popped up just like that, making the Irishman instantly panic inside.

 

 _Boyfriend? Interesting…_ thought Kíli. Fíli had said it with a cute embarrassed smile and a faint blush, reaching out to find his lover’s hand and squeeze it. Kíli clasped Fíli’s trembling fingers and felt him relax.

 

“Jings! Your boyfriend? Oh wow, congratulations! Well, I’m charmed to meet the man who’s stolen my dear Fíli’s heart.” She shook Kíli’s hand firmly while scanning the young man from head to toe. Kíli shook Khím’s hand with equal vigour and saw appreciation in her eyes.

 

Khím led the boys to the counter to take their order and served them two pints of lager without asking. Obviously, those drinks were on the house.

 

The other woman behind the bar, more reserved than her companion, gently extended a hand to Kíli.  
“Kíli, this is my burd Lizzie,” said Khím with a wide grin while snaking a possessive arm around Lizzie’s waist, making her smile.  
“Nice to meet you, Lizzie.”  
“My pleasure, Kíli.”  


“Ok, enough with the niceties. I want to know _everything_ ” said Khím, looking at Fíli with a smug smile.  
“Khím! Don’t be nosy! It’s so rude!” Lizzie was mortified and the lads laughed.  
“Khím, I surely won’t tell you _everything_ ” chuckled Fíli as he felt himself blushing a little at the thought of _very_ private memories flashing through his mind. His blush intensified when Kíli’s hand slid discreetly into his back pocket and squeezed his buttock through the fabric. “Really, this is not an extraordinary story. We just met in a pub two months ago and that’s it.”

  
Khím tried to extort saucy details she never got before finally backing off and serve her other customers. Kíli was coveting the pool table for so long that Fíli told him to go and play, just like he could have done with an excited five-year-old child.  
“Are you sure you don’t want to play with me?” asked Kíli.  
“Yes, I’m sure. I just don’t know how to handle that stick or whatever it’s called. I’d just ruin the cloth, and it would spoil the mood.”  
“Ok, then. And it’s called a cue, the stick, that is” replied Kíli, and he surprised Fíli by planting a quick peck on his lips before joining a couple of customers already busy playing.

 

“You look so smitten” Fíli started as he heard Lizzie’s quiet voice.

“Do I? Well, yes, I am” replied the Irishman with a sigh.  
“Is it bad? You look worried.”

“No… No, I’m not worried. It’s just…” Fíli’s voice trailed off, showing his embarrassment.

“Do you love him?”

“I don’t know if I can allow myself to do so… He doesn’t know me. Soon or later, he’ll get tired of me.”

“Ugh, is that it again? Laddie, you should stop putting yourself down like that. You can’t foresee what he’ll think of you. He seems to like you a lot.”  
“He likes me now. But when he knows me better, he will flee just like the others.”  
“Fíli, we already talked about that. I know you don’t trust yourself, but can’t you trust him? Look at Khím: she’s all I’m not. She can be delicate one minute, and foulmouthed the next. She’s adorable and infuriating at the same time, and I love her for her imperfections as well.”

 

Fíli’s glance went from Lizzie to Kíli. He was still playing pool, fraternising and laughing with people who were total strangers a few minutes ago. His ability to socialise so easily amazed Fíli so much, he was a little envious to tell the truth. The Irishman let his look wander upon the outlines of Kíli’s body as he was leaning over the pool table and aiming for his next move.  
_Can I take my chances with him? I’d really like to think it’s possible._

 

“Do you know he cooked us bacstaí for breakfast this morning?” asked Fíli with a dreamy voice.  
“Really? Oh man, you really should do everything to keep this one! Do you know what my maw used to say?”

“No. Tell me?”

“Girl, find yerself a man good in bed and the kitchen, and you’ll never be unhappy” replied Lizzie with a bright smile. Fíli laughed heartily at this sharp repartee.  
“Your mum was very wise, indeed!”

“Being clever and Irish, I guess you know what that means? The bacstaí thing, that is.”

“I’m afraid I have no clue?”  
“Don’t you know the saying? “Boxty on the griddle, boxty on the pan, if you can't bake boxty, you'll never get your man” Your Kíli is definitely sending you a message here. “Lizzie winked and Fíli blushed.

 

“What are you talking about? You look like a pair of conspirators!” Khím was back with two other pints and a couple of burgers and French fries she had just prepared.  
“Khím!”  
“Ok, ok, I stop asking questions. Please accept my apologies for being nosy, your majesty!”

“Apologies accepted. Now, go away, wifie. Fíli and I have business to discuss. _In private_.”

 

Khím pulled a face at her girlfriend and went away with a smirk on her face. She had infallible ways to get to know what she wanted and she could be merciless.

 

Lizzie watched her lover go and sighed while patting Fíli on the shoulder with sympathy.

“Excuse her. It’s her way to show she cares about you.”

“Don’t worry; I know it well.”

 

Fíli smiled at his friend and looked at Kíli again. The latter was enjoying himself a lot with his fellow players. One man in particular caught his eye as he was just joining the game. He was a regular customer named Jeffrey, and Fíli knew him too well. The guy was sleazy and had a really bad reputation in the neighbourhood, especially among the little local gay community. Fíli shivered from disgust while recalling how Jeffrey had tried to drag him into his bed (or worse places) more than once. The Irishman hated his vulgar manners, and that filthy animal was openly flirting with Kíli. _His Kíli_. A sudden whiff of jealousy seized Fíli’s heart and he clenched his teeth as well as his fists. He lost it when he saw Jeffrey put his hand on Kíli’s arm.

_Don’t you dare touch or talk to him! This man is mine!_

Fíli got down from his stool and strode across the room with the firm intention to get his boyfriend back.

 

Kíli spotted Fíli’s blazing glance as the latter was approaching the group of players. _What the hell is going on?_

 

“Kíli, _hun_ , dinner’s waiting at the bar.” Fíli seized his lover’s hand the most gently possible before bowing briefly to the other pool players and addressing a special killing glare to Jeffrey “Gentlemen, will you please excuse us.”  
“I’ll be back later for the revenge!” promised Kíli.

 

“Will you please tell me what’s going, _hun_?” asked Kíli as discreetly as possible as they were sitting back at the bar.  
“Well, dinner is here… and I had to save you from Jeffrey” replied Fíli with an expression Kíli couldn’t decipher.  
“Why would I need to be saved, please? That Jeff guy doesn’t look like a dangerous man” Kíli’s mood was now bordering on annoyed.

“Oh, you don’t know him like I do. Believe me; that man is a menace and I see how he looks at you.”

  
Then, it clicked.  


“Now, wait a minute. You’re jealous, aren’t you?” asked Kíli with a smirk and Fíli let out an annoyed huff. A smug smile still tugging at the corner of his mouth, Kíli leant in and kissed his lover before whispering wickedly in his ear “I like that”. Of course, Fíli’s face went crimson from a mix of embarrassment and excitement but he was reassured somehow.  
“Let’s eat before it gets cold, ok?” hastily replied the Irishman to hide his arousal.

 

Kíli took the first bite of his burger and let the most obscene moan escape him.  
“Aw this! This is food of the gods. Where’s the cook so I can compliment him?”  
“The cook’s right here, laddie!” proudly replied Khím from the other side of the counter.  
“Missus, this is absolutely delicious,” said Kíli around his mouthful.  
“Why thank you, laddie! I’m well known for my moorish cuisine in the neighbourhood,” replied the Scottish woman before adding “Fíli, laddie, you _must_ keep this one. He has good taste.”  
  
The two men looked at each other and smiled even if their hearts were full of doubt and concern.

 

 

***~~~~***

 

Later that evening, Fíli had joined his boyfriend at the pool table (partly to keep an eye on Jeffrey). Being quite numerous around the table, the players had agreed on a cut-throat game. Kíli had explained the rules to Fíli so the latter could understand what was at stake.

   
_He’s a really good player…_ thought the Irishman while watching the game from the other side of the table. Kíli’s concentrated frown was so intense he was almost scary. Fíli thought of a wolf watching its prey, waiting for a vulnerable moment to pounce on it, and he shivered. The cue hit the ball with a smack and it fell in the hole. Kíli cheered and flashed his lover an excited grin. Fíli replied by blowing a kiss to his champion and Kíli’s smile widened.

 

“Faggot!”

 

A small group of drunks was sitting in the back of the room, glaring at Fíli. The latter knew them and always made a point of honour of avoiding them. Kíli had heard the insult as well and was looking at them, his glance turning into a deadly glower.

 

“What did you just say?” asked Kíli, tightening his grip around his cue.  
“I said “faggot”. Why, are you deaf, you cocksucker?”  
“Kíli, just ignore them. They’re drunk.”  
“Oh, the other queer has a tongue? How lovely!” replied the drunken man, making exaggerate mocking gestures. Kíli’s blood boiled instantly and his face was now radiating with anger.  
“Don’t you dare to insult my boyfriend!”  
“Oooh listen to that poof! He looks pretty mean for a faggot!” hearty laughs followed the vulgar repartee. Fíli was paralysed by shock and Kíli was livid. The latter abruptly handed his cue to Jeffrey and approached the group.

“Get up” coldly said Kíli to the man.  
“Do you want to take this outside, fag?”  
“I said GET UP!” roared Kíli. His former snooker pals backed off quickly, leaving him facing his opponent alone.  
“Kíli, NO!” implored Fíli while searching for Khím’s glance to alert her but she was nowhere to be found, certainly occupied in the kitchen, and Lizzie was out of sight as well, busy on the other side of the bar.

 

All the other customers were looking elsewhere, pretending to be seriously occupied with their drinks when the drunken man rose up and pushed Kíli in the chest. After that, everything escalated pretty quickly. Kíli was avoiding blows under Fíli’s horrified glance when a loud voice boomed across the room.

 

“Oi! Ya glaikit bastards! No brawl in my bar!” bellowed Khím. The men stopped dead for an instant, hands gripping shirts and fists frozen in mid-air. Kíli was about to loosen his grip on the other man’s shirt when the latter threw him a wicked punch to the face, hitting his cheekbone. The reply wasn’t long in coming and Kíli’s knee rose to meet the other man’s genitals. All the males in the bar winced in unison at the sight of the groaning chav sliding slowly onto the floor. His two mates chose this moment to rise from their chairs, ready to retaliate.

 

“I have a caman and I know how to use it!” yelled Khím while brandishing what looked like a hockey stick. Beside her, Lizzie was calling the police.

 

Kíli held his hands above his head as a sign of surrender. His aggressor was now curled up on the floor, groaning and cursing while cupping his sore testicles.  
  
“The police is on its way. Now, bolt ya bawsacks!” This convinced the thugs not to stay there any longer. They seized their diminished pal and dragged him outside of the bar without a word.  
  
Suddenly getting out of his horror-struck trance, Fíli rushed to Kíli’s side.

 

Khím let go of her caman and brought a chair to the injured Irishman.  
“Lizzie, darlin’, fetch me the frozen peas, will ya? It seems like Kíli needs them.”

 

“Kíli, are you all right, love?” Fíli eyes were full of concern and the man was on the verge of tears. He sat down and reached out to cradle his lover’s face, avoiding the swelling reddened cheekbone.  
“My face hurts a bit but I’m ok, I guess” answered Kíli before ducking his head in shame “Fíli, I’m so sorry. But I couldn’t let this homophobic bastard insult you.”

  
Fíli wanted to cry, to yell at Kíli and tell him how stupid his behaviour had been, but he just couldn’t. Kíli had gone into a fight to defend him. That was the most foolish thing to do, but Fíli couldn’t help himself feeling some admiration.  
“That makes you my knight in shining armour, then?” whispered the Irishman, trying to will away his tears. Kíli let go a strangled chuckle.  
“You’re no damsel in distress, though” he replied with a shy smile.  
  
Humour had always been Kíli’s way to get out of trouble or to avoid confessing embarrassing things. This time was no exception.

 

Fíli was about to say something when Lizzie came back with a bag of frozen peas she applied to Kíli’s sore face. She and Khím stood by the Irishmen while waiting for the police to arrive.

 

 

***~~~~***

 

  
After having related their testimony and promising to come to the police station to fill a complaint, Kíli and Fíli felt so spent they just wanted to go home and bury themselves under warm blankets and sleep for an entire week. The lasses opened a bottle of Port Charlotte and served generous glasses of it. The four of them drank in silence until the lads coughed a bit for the whisky was really heavy-peated. Kíli apologised profusely to Khím and Lizzie, but the two women weren’t mad at him in the slightest.

“Och, Kíli, you’re a right numpty” said Khím fondly “Those scunners had it coming. I wanted to ban them for long, anyway. I’m so sorry they lashed out on Fíli and you.”  
“We’re all right” assured Fíli before hugging his friends and wishing them a good night. Kíli did the same, and the two Irishmen walked back home under the rain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading this new chapter! The lads' life is about to take an interesting turn after that... in a third chapter.
> 
> If you're interested in snooker, here's a link to the rules of the [cut-throat game](http://www.generationpool.com/billiards-cutthroat-rules.html) .
> 
> Here's the translation of the Scottish words used in this chapter:  
> Foos yer doos?: How are you?  
> Jings!: Gosh!  
> burd: girlfriend (but it also means girls in general).  
> maw: mum.  
> wifie: woman.  
> moorish: tasty.  
> glaykit: stupid.  
> caman: a caman is a stick used to play the Scottish sport of [shinty](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shinty). It looks a bit like field hockey.  
> bolt: go away.  
> bawsack: ball sack.  
> numpty: an endearing term/lovable idiot. Shows friendly banter.  
> scunner: one who pisses ye aff!
> 
> As always, tons of love and thanks to [DrakkHammer](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DrakkHammer) for her patience and help.
> 
> Feel free to speak your mind, dear reader. Comments really make my day :)


	3. A rainy morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fili and Kili go back home after their disastrous night out, and they both need comfort. Some things need to come out...

 

By the time they reached Fíli’s house, the two men were physically and emotionally exhausted. They remained silent, both deep in thought. As if on automatic pilot, they got rid of their wet jackets and shoes.

Despite the words exchanged with the police officers, Fíli was still incapable of realising what had happened. It looked too much like a nightmare. As if being gay in a hetero world wasn’t complicated enough!  
Kíli could have ignored those drunken chavs. It would have been simple and their evening wouldn’t have been spoiled. Kíli’s absurd pseudo-heroic outburst had been stupid and dangerous! What if one of those blokes had had a knife on him?

Fíli’s mind was on overdrive, playing the worst scenarios possible. He was angry and retrospectively afraid. But he was unfair. Kíli had defended him. He had stood up to fight for him, and it was honourable. Kíli was brave and courageous while he was weak and a coward. This thought made the Irishman feel ashamed and angry at himself. Realising he was beginning to wallow in self-pity made him even more furious.

_Come on, shake it off and man up for a change!_

Fíli cast a side glance at his boyfriend as they were about to climb the stairs. Kíli looked so miserable and tired Fíli felt an irrepressible need to hold and kiss him senseless, to say he loved him, oh, so much… but the words he was dying to pronounce got stuck in his throat and he dropped his head down with a sigh.

Eventually, Kíli broke the silence. His voice sounded as tired as he looked.

“Fíli?”  
“Yes?”  
“My cheekbone is aching a bit. Can you take a look at it?”  
“Sure. Let’s go upstairs.”

Once in the bathroom, Kíli sat down on a stool to let Fíli examine his face under the neon light. His cheekbone was a bit swollen, and a bruise was now beginning to show. A dull pain was faintly thrumming under his left eye.

“I should put some Arnicare on that. Wait a sec.”  
“Sure.”

Kíli tilted his head back against the cold surface of the wall and closed his eyes.

He could have avoided all this. He usually ignored homophobic insults, especially when they came from dumb drunken men. But this time had been different. It wasn’t about him. They had attacked the man he loved, and his instinct had kicked in in the most unexpected way. He didn’t know he was the protective kind. He didn’t know he was the loving kind either. But the problem was that Fíli had been shocked by his violence, and Kíli could sense he still was. He just didn’t know how to reassure him.

The Irishman felt a gentle squeeze on his shoulder. Fíli was back with the homoeopathic gel.

“Careful. This is going to be a bit cold.”

His eyes still closed, Kíli let his lover take care of him. Fíli’s touch was feather like and the cool gel was soothing. More exhausted than ever, Kíli heaved a sigh and opened his eyes. All he wanted right now was a kiss.

“You ok?” asked Fíli softly.   
“Yeah… but it hurts a bit… here.” Kíli closed his eyes again and pointed at his eyelid, just above his bruise. “I need a kiss to take the pain away.” The hint of a mischievous smile was tugging at the corner of his mouth.  
Without a word, but smiling as well, Fíli leant down and complied. His lips gently brushed the soft thin skin.  
“Here.”  
Fíli’s mouth slid from Kíli’s eyelid to his forehead.  
“And here.”  
A soft chaste peck on the cheek.  
“And here.”  
Fíli knelt down and tenderly kissed the corner of Kíli’s mouth.  
“Here.”

Fíli reached out and slowly traced Kíli’s bottom lip with his thumb. Their glances met, and he dove into the hazel depths of his lover’s eyes. He saw fatigue, guilt, but also love, so much love, in them. Before he could think about refraining himself, the words he dreaded so much saying escaped his mouth.

“I love you, Kíli.”

The Irishman’s eyes widened in surprise and his lips slightly parted. He gulped hard and suddenly found out his mouth was dry. His eyes shimmering, he cupped Fíli’s face with both hands to brush the little tears that had emerged from the corner of his eyes. The loving look he found in Fíli’s blue orbs made his heart keel over. All the exhaustion he was feeling just a moment before disappeared and his heart swelled as he confessed in a breath “Love you too”.

Both men felt funny. They had kissed each other numerous times before, but they felt like they didn’t know how to do it anymore. They both smiled and chuckled at their sudden clumsiness, understanding each other, so they just hugged tightly. Fíli’s head was resting under his lover’s chin, and he could hear Kíli’s heartbeat pounding hard, in unison with his own.

“Your heart’s beating so fast…”

“Just as much as yours, I presume.” Kíli pressed a tender kiss on the top of Fíli’s head and tightened his embrace.

After a long moment, Fíli gently got up and offered Kíli his hand to help him get on his feet. The two men faced each other in silence, letting their eyes do the talking. Fíli took hold of his lover’s shoulders and rose on tiptoes, joined half-way by Kíli. The kiss was very gentle and almost chaste.

“Baby, you’re trembling,” whispered Kíli, the endearment making Fíli slightly shiver.  
“It’s been a strange evening. Come on, let’s go to bed.”

Fíli took his lover by the hand and took them into his room.

 

**~****~**

 

Kíli woke up first. It was early, and the sky outside was grey, the sun hidden behind heavy and menacing rain clouds. The young man shivered and rolled on his back. His eyes lost beyond the ceiling, he replayed the last night’s events in his head and sighed. He had to touch his left cheekbone and feel the pain to convince himself that it hadn’t been a bad dream.

Fíli stirred in his sleep. His back turned to Kíli, his breath was deep and steady.

Kíli sighed once more. The two men had eventually opened up to each other, and it was so new for Kíli. New and scary. But it was sincere.

After a quick dash to the loo, Kíli retrieved the warmth of Fíli’s bed and spooned the man he could now call his boyfriend. That feeling was exhilarating.   
A contented sigh interrupted his musings.

“Hmmm?”  
“Sorry, love. Did I wake you?” Kíli nuzzled Fíli’s hair and placed a tender kiss on the nape of his neck.  
“I wish I could wake up like this more often,” mumbled Fíli, still half asleep. In the comfortable haze of his awakening, he pulled Kíli’s arm closer to his chest and arched his back, seeking more contact.  
“Yeah, me too.”

Kíli shifted just enough so he could pepper Fíli’s freckled shoulder with kisses, and nudged his legs with a knee to part them. Once his right leg slotted between Fíli’s thighs, Kíli left a trail of pecks along his spine, eliciting a delicious shiver that turned into a soft moan. Emboldened by Fíli’s voice, Kíli freed his right hand from his lover’s embrace and roamed his broad chest to play a moment with the hair that curled there. His palm brushed against already hardened nipples and wandered south, along Fíli’s treasure trail and down to his lower abdomen. Both men’s breath hitched and quickened when Kíli took hold of Fíli’s half-hard cock and started to stroke it lazily.

“Love it when you sleep naked,” breathed Kíli against Fíli’s shoulder blades while grinding against his lover’s lower back.  
The latter smiled and answered: “I always sleep naked.”  
“God, you’re so perfect.”  
“Maybe, but I need to pee like a racehorse. So, if you could be kind enough to release me? Please?”

Kíli chuckled and let Fíli go to the bathroom, earning a privileged view of his gorgeous arse in the process. A few minutes later, Fíli was back under the comforter and in the strong embrace of Kíli’s arms.

 

**~****~**

 

As promised the night before, Fíli and Kíli went to the police station to file a complaint. They waited a long time among a crowd they wished they’d never met. When they eventually got called to meet a constable, they knew it was a going to be painful.

The tired man on the other side of the rickety desk barely looked at them. One could obviously say he didn’t care at all. He retrieved his colleagues’ report after a laborious search punctuated with groaned curses against his antique equipment.  
He read Fíli and Kíli’s testimonies aloud and asked them to confirm their will to file a complaint against their aggressors.

Fíli fidgeted in his seat, feeling suddenly unsure about what to do. He didn’t know the men’s names, but they lived in his neighbourhood. What if they saw him on the street and decided to beat him up because of his complaint against them? Was it worth it? After all, it just had been a pub brawl. The jaded glance of the constable wasn’t helping.

“Kíli, are you sure it’s worth it?”  
“I refuse to bow down to intimidation, Fíli. Those blokes assaulted us because we’re gay! How can you ask me to live as if nothing’s happened?”  
“I don't expect you to deny what’s happened! It’s just that I’m… I’m thinking about the consequences, unlike you!” Fíli’s tone had become suddenly sharp.   
“If no one lifts a finger, they will continue to bully people like us, or worse! Is that what you want?” Kíli was almost yelling.   
“Don’t shout at me!”  
“I’m not shouting!”  
  
“Gentlemen, will you please tone it down?” sluggishly asked the constable. He got superbly ignored.  
   
“Fine,” surrendered Fíli. “Do whatever you want. I’ll be waiting outside. I need air.” On these words, he got up and stormed out of the police station without a backwards glance.

Astonished by Fíli’s reaction, Kíli didn’t move. The police officer cleared his throat and tapped his fingers on the desk, showing his annoyance.

“So, what do you decide? I haven’t got all day, I’ll have you know.”  
“I still want to file a complaint,” replied Kíli icily.

The constable sighed and prepared the papers.

 

**~****~**

 

Thirty minutes later, Kíli was out of the police station. He had done the right thing; he was sure of it. He also knew he had pissed Fíli off, and he needed to find him to talk. He looked around but didn’t see him at first.

The young man was waiting, his back against the station’s wall, smoking a cigarette. Since when was he smoking? Kíli waved shyly, and Fíli just nodded.

They walked in silence for a long time, their hands in their pockets, and their eyes set on the ground. It had been their first argument. Eventually, their pink bubble had burst after almost three months of pure happiness.

At length, Kíli couldn’t take it any longer and broke the silence.

“Listen, I’m… I’m sorry for shouting at you in the police station,” he croaked, his voice hoarse by the lack of use. Fíli sighed.  
“I shouldn’t have tried to discourage you. It’s just that I’m…” His voice trailed off.  
“What? Please, Fíli, talk to me?” Kíli stopped and waited for Fíli to turn around and look at him. A tense silence settled again. “Fíli, please,” pleaded Kíli.    
“I’m afraid. I’m afraid, and soon or later you’ll hate me for this, and you’ll leave!”

Kíli was dumbstruck. Where was that coming from?

“What? What did you say?”  
“Please, don’t make me say it again.”  
“Ok, I just wanted to be sure I heard it right… You know what? I need to sit down.”

They hadn’t paid attention to where their steps had led them, and now they were at the entrance of Victoria Park. The place was deserted on this early and moody Sunday, and they rapidly found a bench.

“I guess I need one of your cigarettes…”  
“I didn’t know you smoked?” mumbled Fíli as he was handing the pack and a lighter.   
“I stopped years ago, but I need one right now.” Kíli lighted the cigarette and took a long drag that made him cough. The second one felt perfect, though, and it made his head swim a little. As nicotine hit his brain sensors, Kíli sighed in contentment. Now, they could talk.

“What makes you think I’ll leave you?” Kíli knew he could hurt Fili by being so blunt, but he was tired of beating around the bush.  
Fíli bit his lower lip and stared at his feet, unable to speak. At length, he felt shy fingers on his, and he let Kíli take his hand and intertwine their fingers. The gesture made Kíli’s mind go back in time. Bristol in July. His first night out on his own. He had been struck by Fíli’s sight as soon as he had entered the pub.  
He had found him beautiful but in a discreet and quiet way. Of all the men and women Kíli had had in his life, Fíli was unique. And Kíli wanted to be with him. It felt so natural.

“You’re smiling.” Fíli’s quiet voice brought Kíli back to Earth.   
“I’m thinking about you and our first encounter, that’s all.” Kíli looked at his companion. “But you haven’t answered my question. Listen, after what happened last night and this morning, don’t you think we should be completely honest toward each other?”  
“What do you mean?” Fíli was on the defensive, all of a sudden.   
“What I mean is… You think I’ll leave you, which is false by the way, and you said earlier you were afraid. What’s happening? Did I do something wrong? Tell me!”  
Fíli took a deep breath and anchored his eyes to Kíli’s.   
“No, you didn’t do anything wrong. You’re perfect, and I love you the way you are. I’m just wondering how you can stand someone like me.”  
“I’m not perfect, I’ll have you know; I’m hot-tempered and impulsive.” Kíli paused and squeezed Fíli’s hand. “I can’t see what’s wrong with you, honestly… You keep on saying awful things about yourself. Why?”  
“Because nobody wants to stay with me, that’s why! So there must be something I’m doing wrong.” Kíli was abashed. What could have happened, what pain was poisoning Fíli to make him so fragile?  
“What makes you think I’ll dump you, just like your exes?”  
Fíli looked down and answered, “I don’t know.”

Kíli sighed and released Fíli’s hand. “I wish you could trust me. And yourself, as well.”

Kíli’s voice sounded sad, and it made Fíli look up. The young man had finished his cigarette and was playing nervously with the now useless filter, reducing it to shreds.

“I wasn’t joking last night when I share my feelings about you.” Kíli was staring intensely at his boyfriend. “I love you, Fíli. Do you believe me?”  
Fíli gulped hard, willing back tears before answering “I believe you. And I love you too.”  
“See, this is what’s important right now. If you need me to say this every day, I’ll do it. I love you. I want to spend time with you, and I don’t want to leave you. I’m afraid, just like you, but I want to try it. If you want it too, that is.”  
“Yes.” Fíli sniffled and cleared his throat. “I want to give it a try.”  
“I just have one condition, though.”  
“I’m listening.”  
“Swear you won’t keep your fears, or insecurities, or whatever, to yourself. I can hear everything, and I won’t judge. Swear it.”  
“I swear.”

Both men smiled and chuckled from relief. Fíli reached out and caressed Kíli’s cheek before scooting closer to kiss him. Rain started to pour, but they didn’t care.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update! But you know the drill: real life took over, blah blah blah...This is a rather short chapter (sorry again), BUT, as a recompense for your patience, you'll get an extra chapter :)  
> Ain't life grand?
> 
> Let me use this space to throw kudos and hugs to Jane for her expertise, and to my friends over Tumblr for their love and support.
> 
> You, dear readers, I love you all. Now, make yourselves like at home, take whatever you want from the fridge, and let me know your thoughts :)


	4. Confessions in the dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fíli reveals his painful past to Kíli.

 

Back to Fíli’s house, the two men felt shattered, just like the night before. I was past noon, but neither of them were hungry, so they just took off their damp clothes and found refuge on Fíli’s couch, sheltered under a thick blanket. Cuddling while watching TV on a rainy Sunday was comforting. So comforting that they both dozed off in each other’s arms.

Fíli’s stomach woke him up at two in the afternoon. He was also thirsty, and he found the foul taste of cold tobacco in his mouth disgusting. He had bought that cigarette pack on a whim, right after his argument with Kíli. Just like him, he had stopped smoking quite a long time ago, but he had felt the brutal urge to smoke more than ever at that moment. Self-destructing habits tended to come back when he was deeply upset. Fíli’s thoughts drifted to that bench in Victoria Park. He and Kíli had talked, but he knew it hadn’t been enough. Soon or later, they would have to dig deeper if they wanted to have a sane relationship based on mutual trust. But Kíli’s words had been soothing. The young man still didn’t manage to understand why someone so perfect could love him, but it was a fact: Kíli hadn’t run away. He had accepted him with his flaws. For now.

_Stop it, for Christ sake! Don’t spoil everything!_

Fíli felt his lover stir under him and grasp him tighter, so he just closed his eyes and relished the strong embrace of Kíli’s arms.

 ***~~~~***  


After a quick lunch, Fíli and Kíli crammed Fíli’s little Toyota with Kíli’s stuff. It took them five journeys to transfer everything into the flat.

The afternoon passed quickly, and Kíli managed to keep his calm despite non-cooperative furniture. They even had a huge laughing fit while unpacking a box labelled "bedroom" by Kíli’s mother. Under a few books, the bottom of the box revealed a box of condoms, a half-emptied bottle of lube and some soft porn magazines. Straight and gay magazines. 

“Aw, mum!” had exclaimed Kíli, trying to hide his embarrassment behind his laugh.  
“Care to explain?” had asked Fíli with a lopsided smirk while holding an ancient and crumpled copy of Playboy between two fingers as if it was radioactive.  
“I always had a thing for big breasted blondes,” had replied Kíli with a blush.  
“Well, I’m sad to note I don’t entirely fit the bill, “had said Fíli in a playful tone, trying to squeeze his pecs together in a suggestive way. “You never told me you were bi.”  
“Let’s say I never had the right occasion until now. It’s not something you say, like, ‘Oh, I’m bi, by the way’, if you see what I mean.”  
“I’ve never been with a girl. They just never appealed me.”  
“At least, you were certain of your orientation. It’s hard to discover you swing both ways, especially when you’re a teenager…”  
“And now?” had asked Fíli, pushing the magazines aside and crawling on all fours closer to his boyfriend.  
“Now, it’s you I want. It’s you I love. Only you.”  
“Show me.”

Fíli shivered with anticipation when Kíli reached out and grabbed the back of his neck. His smile accentuated his dimples and Kíli traced one lovingly with a thumb before claiming his lips and mouth.

They sighed and moaned in each other’s mouths as the kiss deepened and grew hotter. Clothes were discarded in a quick and messy way, making both men tumble on the bed in a tangle of limbs and giggles.  
Underneath Fíli, Kíli roamed his hands on a firm back until he reached round buttocks and squeezed them, his desire rushing inside him like a tidal wave. Fíli groaned with pleasure, his voice muffled by Kíli’s neck, and nipped the tender flesh of an earlobe. Kíli went bolder and tentatively traced the cleft between Fíli’s buttocks to tease his entrance, but he felt his lover squirm at the first touch so he stopped.

It wasn’t the first time this had happened, and it had worried Kíli a bit, and even frustrated him in a way, but he had never dared to ask why Fíli always reacted that way. This would end tonight. Kíli had to know.

Oblivious to Kíli’s disarray, Fíli was kissing his way from the brunet’s neck to his chest. It took him a moment to realise that his boyfriend wasn’t responding to his ministrations anymore.

“What’s the matter?”  
Kíli sat up and gave his lover a grave look. “I want to know what I did wrong.”  
“What?”  
“Listen, I noticed you’re not at ease when I try to touch you… _down there_. I need to know what’s going on.”

Fíli heaved a sigh. He had hoped to avoid this conversation, but the way Kíli was looking at him, intensely frowning, made him remember he had sworn to confide in his lover.

“It’s an annoying story I’m not sure you want to hear.”  
“Let me be the judge of that. Please?”  
“Fine, “Fíli sighed in defeat “It’s my ex… He knew I didn’t particularly enjoy anal sex… but,” he drew a long shuddering breath “he forced me.”  
Kíli’s eyes widened in horror. “Jesus Christ… He _raped_ you?”  
Fíli ducked his head and muttered “Yes.”  
“Oh, my poor love. Come here.”

Kíli reached out, not sure if he could touch his lover now that he knew what had triggered him. But Fíli raised his head and cradled his cheek in Kíli’s palm before curling up in his inviting arms. No tears were shed this time, and Fíli let Kíli rock and kiss him gently.

At length, Fíli finally relaxed, and he took a great decision. He would tell his story to Kíli. Now.

  
_He had met his ex, David, two years and a half ago in a gym club of Dublin. Fíli had taken some new year's resolutions and had hit the gym on the second day of January. David worked there as a coach, and they soon had become pals, then friends. The man was a reassuring and comforting mountain of muscles.  
  
Fíli had fallen for him during the summer when they both came out to each other. In the beginning_ _, David had been very charming, delicate, attentive, and caring. He had texted, sent flowers, offered gifts. Fíli had felt wanted and cherished. But his boyfriend was very demanding. Exclusive. Jealous._

_Little by little, David had convinced Fíli to cancel the plans he had with friends to stay with him, using a bit of emotional blackmail when sweet words and kisses weren’t enough. Fíli was already in love with him, and he had complied every time. His friends had left him one by one, but everything was ok as long as he had David by his side. “Your so called friends are not worthy of you, and you know it,” had said the other man one day, after Fíli had confessed he was missing them.  
  
_ _When there hadn't been any more friends to blame, David had progressively denigrated Fíli. "Are you going to wear that?" "I would think about losing some weight if I were you." "You imagine things. "You've changed. You were funnier than that, before.”  
  
And Fíli had dived head first into culpability. Everything was his fault. Everything. _ _Month after month, David had patiently worked and trapped Fíli in his abusive web, making the young man dependent on him while destroying his self-confidence bit by bit._

_The first time David had violated Fíli, leaving him sore and crying, he had said it was his fault. Fíli clearly had a problem if he couldn’t enjoy rough anal sex. He had to change to please his lover. And he had tried, very hard, but it hadn’t worked, and each failure had sent Fíli deeper into self-deprecation. David had invaded him, made him his thing. Fíli had been totally submissive, and he had found it normal._  


_After a year, the young man had broken down, though, and made a scene. Using his physical advantage, David had beaten him and told him to man up. The charming and caring man had gone_ _for good, showing his true ugly face._  
  
_Fíli had fled the flat during the night, while David was sleeping. His jacket, phone, and wallet had been the only possessions he had left with. The young man had wandered along the quays of the Liffey all night, physically and mentally lost. At sunrise, he had called his mother. While the phone was ringing on the other side of town, Fíli had bitten his nails nervously. He and his mum hadn’t talked together in months after a terrible argument initiated by David._  
  
_“Who’s this?” had asked a sleepy voice. It was a quarter to six._  
 _“It’s me, mum. It’s Fíli. Can I come home?” Tears had begun to flow down the man’s cheeks as he was silently crying, waiting anxiously for an answer. On the other side of the line, he had heard the noise of creaking stairs and his mother’s troubled breathing. When she had spoken again, she was crying as well, as quietly as possible to avoid waking her husband. She had dressed in haste and jumped into her car to rescue her lost son, her only child._

 _Fíli had spent a month locked up in his room, unable to go outside because of the fear of running across David in the street. Then, he had seen a psychiatrist and had been able to work again after a few months of intensive therapy. He had learnt how to face what had happened to let go and move on._ _  
Step by step, he had tried to contact his former friends. Some of them had understood, others hadn't. Fíli was starting to feel better again when he saw David on the street one day. A wave of shock had made his body tense and tremble, panic creeping its way through his brain, but his abuser_ _had passed by without noticing him. He had found a new victim, apparently._  
  
_That’s when Fíli had decided to leave Ireland. He still had friends in London, so he went there. But soon, he had been hit by anxiety again. The big city and its ever stopping hustle and bustle had stressed him beyond belief. Too much noise, too many people. And another heartbreak after a very brief relationship which had arrived too soon. When the company he was working for had proposed him a position in Bristol, he had jumped at the chance to leave London._

 

Kíli had listened to Fíli without interrupting him. At the end of the story, tears were rolling down his cheeks. But Fíli’s eyes were dry. All of this was behind him, and sharing his story with the man he loved, seeing him cry in sympathy, had somehow given him peace.  
    
Kíli was overwhelmed. So much trauma for such a gentle soul was unbearable.

“I could never force you to do something you don’t want or like. I love you too much,” breathed Kíli, his voice strangled by emotion.  
“Thanks for your understanding… And sorry for spoiling the mood.”  
Kíli chuckled and wiped his eyes with his knuckles. “You didn’t spoil anything, you eedjit.”  
“Do you still want me after all I said?” Fíli’s tone was grave, all of a sudden.  
“Oh, baby, of course, I want you. Why wouldn’t I?”  
“Because I’m damaged.”  
Kíli thought for a moment and said “Yes, you are. But it’s not,” he made an ample gesture “the ‘whole’ you. You’re not your traumas. You’re intelligent, and kind, and fair, and beautiful… and outrageously sexy!” Each compliment was punctuated by a soft peck on the lips.  
Fíli laughed. “Aw, stop that! I can feel myself getting too big for my boots!”  
“Oh yeah?” Kíli tickled Fíli ferociously in the ribs, and the latter instantly retaliated as fiercely.  
  
Hysterical laughter boomed in the small room as arms and legs flailed in every direction. Out of breath after three minutes of a merciless battle, both men stopped, and giggles faded out, replaced by soft kisses.

"You know, as much as I love our sexy times, it's not a priority for me," said Kíli after a while. “Everything’s fine by me as long as I can hold you in my arms and share a bit of your personal space. Or a lot. As long as you want me.”  
Fíli smiled genuinely, his dimples deepening every passing second. “I’m glad we’ve met. You make me happy.”  
“The pleasure’s all mine,” replied Kíli before leaning in and kissing his lover gently. He was about to add something else when a deep grumble interrupted him. Fíli smirked against his lips.  
“You hungry?”  
“Visibly, yes. But my fridge is empty. I have a shitty schedule tomorrow, and I won’t be able to go out to do the messages until Tuesday.”  
“How come?”  
“We’ll shoot some scenes tomorrow until late afternoon; then I have a few hours break to sleep before a night shoot. So, I doubt I'll have time to fill my fridge."  
“What if I do it?”  
“You would do that?”  
“Yes, of course!”  
“Oh man, that’d be brilliant!”

***~~~~***

 

Kíli got back to his apartment at three in the morning. He felt tired and cranky after a challenging and long night shoot.

He had retrieved his keys inside Fíli’s letter box and had considered a moment to spend the rest of the night with his boyfriend, snuggled against him like a giant cuddly toy. But the Irishman decided against it. He would feel guilty to wake Fíli at such an ungodly hour, or worse, scare him to death because he wasn’t expected.

So Kíli headed home, alone for the first time in weeks. With a sad sigh, he turned his key in the lock.

The delicate fragrance of Nag Champa incense welcomed him as soon as he crossed the threshold of his lodging, and Kíli smiled despite his fatigue. A small gift box with a card was waiting for him on his kitchen counter. Intrigued, he ripped the wrapping paper. Inside the box sat a tiny pot containing a shamrock plant.  
   
“Oh, Fíli,” fondly murmured Kíli in his empty apartment. He picked up the card and read it.

 

_“Welcome home, my love!  
I hope you like your house warming present.  
Just give it water from time to time, and it’ll be just fine.  
You’ll find everything you need in your fridge and cupboards __J_  
_I miss you, a chuisle mo chroí._  
Fíli”

Behind the card was a small note saying "Don't mind the silly card. I got it during last Pride."

Kíli's smile grew wider, and he kissed the card before checking his fridge and cupboards. Worth a week of groceries were stored neatly in his kitchen. Despite the late hour, he texted Fíli to thank him.

“Hey babe, thx for filling my fridge.”

He didn’t wait for an answer, assuming that Fíli was asleep, and got to his room to undress and go to bed. He was slipping under his comforter when his phone chimed with the tone he had specially chosen for Fíli.

“You’re welcome :)”

Kíli smiled and instantly answered back.  
“Love you <3”

Another chime.  
“Love you too :* See you tomorrow”  
“Sleep well, love”

 

With a contented sigh, Kíli closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep. This first night alone wouldn’t be so terrible after all.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to all for following this story until its very end! I'm specially relieved to have been able to finish it, for a lot of personal reasons. Very extra special thanks to Jane for her precious advice.
> 
> Kíli invites all of you for his house warming party, so make yourselves at ease! Thanks to Fíli, the kitchen is full of delicious things to eat and drink. Relax, have a drink, and tell me your thoughts about this story?
> 
> I don't want to end this series, so if there are some things you want me to tell, treat yourselves :)
> 
> PS: "a chuisle mo chroí" means "pulse of my heart" in Irish, and, to me, it's the most beautiful thing to say to your loved one :)

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this new chapter. 
> 
> There are clickable links to The Doors' song and the bacstaí recipe (try it it's delicious). 
> 
> I slipped a little guessing game in this work. The first one able to spot the sentence containing a line from The Hobbit movie (hint: it's from the BTS) will win a haiku based on his/her username :)
> 
> As usual, pallets of love and thanks to my dear a chara Jane for her support and the beta-reading!


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